An encounter with groundlessness
Pema Chödrön and her teacher Chögyam Trungpa has often talked about the the fact that nowhere can we find firm ground to stand on, and nothing solid or secure to hold on to anywhere. They call this groundlessness. Intellectually I know the truth of groundlessness, but my clinging ego certainly isn't ready to accept this fact. The most direct effect of this discrepancy is fear.
I'm about to quit my job as a computer specialist, working at my own company, and go back to school to become a psychologist. I want to make the Dharma the focus of my life, and I want to help others discover and benefit from the Dharma. The reason for this is that I'm very excited about how mindfulness and other central aspects of Buddha Dharma has had an impact on some schools of western psychology lately. This is a development I would very much like to support and contribute to.
So today I had a close encounter with the fear of groundlessness, the fear of insecurity. My ego was telling me how completely and utterly insane it is to leave a well-paying job, with a well-defined career path, good benefits and an excellent retirement plan. It was telling me this using much the same physical sensations that I would experience standing at the edge of a very high cliff looking down at... well... no solid ground. The need for security is the most ingrained clinging imaginable. And the fear of letting go is the strongest fear of all.
Whatever else comes out of me quitting my job and throwing myself out into the unknown, one things is certain: It is an extremely good exercise in the art of letting go and a wonderful opportunity for me to see clearly the fear of my clinging ego.
Wish me luck...
I'm about to quit my job as a computer specialist, working at my own company, and go back to school to become a psychologist. I want to make the Dharma the focus of my life, and I want to help others discover and benefit from the Dharma. The reason for this is that I'm very excited about how mindfulness and other central aspects of Buddha Dharma has had an impact on some schools of western psychology lately. This is a development I would very much like to support and contribute to.
So today I had a close encounter with the fear of groundlessness, the fear of insecurity. My ego was telling me how completely and utterly insane it is to leave a well-paying job, with a well-defined career path, good benefits and an excellent retirement plan. It was telling me this using much the same physical sensations that I would experience standing at the edge of a very high cliff looking down at... well... no solid ground. The need for security is the most ingrained clinging imaginable. And the fear of letting go is the strongest fear of all.
Whatever else comes out of me quitting my job and throwing myself out into the unknown, one things is certain: It is an extremely good exercise in the art of letting go and a wonderful opportunity for me to see clearly the fear of my clinging ego.
Wish me luck...
posted by Martin at Wednesday, May 24, 2006
3 Comments:
I wish you the best of luck. I know what your going through. I've changed my career at least once (in the opposite direction from you - I was apsychologist). The fear comes before the first step. After a few steps it becomes exciting. So go for it.
Indeed I do wish you luck!! And all sentient beings are with you in this endeavour. Congratulations!!
To be financially self-sufficient is a good ground in practicing the Bodhisattva way, a holly way of life.
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